


Reasons why it’s not gay when it’s in a three-way

by commatme



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Humor, M/M, Multi, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Somewhat Drunk Sex, Threesome - M/M/M, leans towards crack, steve and danny are incapable of not bickering their way through everything ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 17:48:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18952957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commatme/pseuds/commatme
Summary: “This is kind of gay,” Steve points out, as Danny pushes him back on Harry’s hotel bed.





	Reasons why it’s not gay when it’s in a three-way

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I should post this with apologies to poor Harry. Life can be tough, especially if you decide to have sex with both Steve and Danny at the same time.

“This is kind of gay,” Steve points out, as Danny pushes him back on Harry’s hotel bed.

“Nah, babe.” Danny is already naked somehow and intently and pretty deftly working the button and zipper of Steve’s pants, but he seems to be paying enough attention to answer. He takes a small pause in the middle to nip at the skin between the waistband of Steve’s pants and his belly button, where his shirt has ridden up, before he gets back to his task. “Everyone knows it’s not gay if there’s three people involved.”

It’s a good point, because Steve has heard that before. Even so, he has a feeling there might be a fatal flaw in there somewhere, when it comes to their current scene. “That only works if the third person is a girl.”

“I’m not a girl,” Harry says, confidently, Britishly and manly. 

Steve turns his head just in time to watch Harry step out of his boxers and come to kneel on the edge of the bed. Harry’s dick is saluting the world and it looks very patriotic, even if it’s probably rooting for the wrong country. Harry winks at him and starts undoing the buttons of Steve’s shirt. Steve is grateful. He’d do it himself, but he’s still working through some things, lying flat on his back on the bed.

He’s not drunk. He’s really sure he’s not drunk, or at least not horribly so, because Danny is here and Danny is too much of a dad to have let him do any of this if he were, but he _is_ buzzed enough that what’s happening seems like a great idea that he couldn’t possibly have any doubts about.

Also, buzzed enough to get philosophical. “Yeah,” he agrees, because Harry’s assessment sounds pretty accurate. “So.” He thinks about it while Danny lifts first one of his feet and then the other to get his pants and underwear off and away. “That’s just one more dick, then. I don’t think that’s less gay.” 

Danny settles between his legs and nuzzles his balls. “That’s nice. Do you want to argue semantics, or do you want me to suck your dick?”

“Uh,” Steve says, because in the meantime Harry has pushed his shirt open and latched onto one of his nipples and Harry’s hair is surprisingly soft when he cards his fingers through it and it’s a tiny bit distracting. Then the full force of what Danny just said hits him and he’s less distracted. “Oh, yeah. Suck my dick, please.”

Danny hums. “Well, because you asked so nicely,” he says, and sucks Steve in.

Steve smashes his head back into the mattress hard enough that it bounces back up two times. He lets out a moan, or maybe Danny does, or maybe Harry, or maybe all three of them. Either way, he can _feel_ it – he can feel a lot of things, all at once. “Dammit, you’re good at that,” he tells Danny, because it _is_ a damn it situation, because he’s always thought Danny must have been the reason the DILF acronym was invented, but now that he has firstdick experience at how amazing Danny is at the F part of that (meaning, ironically, how good Danny is with the D), he’s pretty sure he can feel his past self retroactively be jealous of his current self.

He reaches out a hand and grabs any part of Harry’s face he can get. It happens to be an ear, so he uses that to drag Harry’s face the small distance from his chest to his own face. “Careful there, cowboy,” Harry drawls, before he proceeds to throw his own advice to the wind with the way he kisses Steve.

Steve drifts like that for a while, Danny’s lips on his dick, Harry’s tongue in his mouth, his hands wandering down to Harry’s ass. It’s something really damn close to pure bliss, until it’s rudely shattered by Danny pulling off with a wet slurp. Steve is forced to put an end to Harry’s campaign to slowly conquer every single one of his molars, just so he can stare down at Danny, betrayal writ clear on his face, he hopes. 

Danny stares back at him, unrepentant. “Maybe the third dick cancels one of the others out.”

That’s- That’s valid, actually. “As long as it’s not mine,” he says, only lightly sulking over the fact that Danny’s flash of insight had to come to them in the form of an interrupted blowjob.

“I hope not, babe.” Danny pets his dick a few times. It’s not what he needs, but he’ll take it. “Yours is way too charming to cancel.”

He’s never preened over the charisma of his genitals before, but there has to be a first for everything. “Thank you.”

Harry, stretched out alongside Steve, has been watching the back and forth like a ping-pong match. He interrupts by reaching out and cupping a hand around Steve’s balls, rolling them in his palm gently. “You’re really still bickering with heavy erections. It’s rather impressive.”

Steve gasps and has his own moment of insight. “Harry, you’re smart.” _Obviously_ , considering the intelligent things he’s doing with his hand. “What do you think? Three dicks, less gay?”

“If anything, it’s more gay,” Harry opines.

That makes a certain kind of sense. Steve tries to nod thoughtfully, but gives up because it’s too awkward while lying down. “Fifty percent increase. It’s gay-ay.” 

Danny huffs. “That’s two thirds more, idiot.”

“Pretend that last one was half an a.”

“I won’t,” Danny says, before sliding his lips down over Steve’s dick again, which is an argument-winning trick that’s very dirty in more than one way.

That’s where it would have ended – Steve’s meandering climb towards orgasm certainly would have, if nothing else, and very satisfactorily so – if Danny hadn’t taken another break what feels like thirty seconds later. Steve has to consider, morosely, if maybe Danny has secretly hated him all these years. It doesn’t strike him as extremely likely, but it would at least explain why he’s being tortured now.

“Maybe we’re having straight sex,” Danny offers, this time.

Well, okay then.

Steve goes through the effort of raising his head again for that. It’s not even due to grief over the blowjob that’s been put on halt for a second time. “If you think this is straight sex, where the hell did Grace and Charlie come from?”

“Shut up,” Danny retorts. “It’s straight, times three, divided in half, because there’s no, you know, women.”

“One point five times straight sex. Huh.” Steve gets his elbows under him, because he’s going to need more time to ponder this. He runs the calculation through his mind. 

He’s pretty sure he hears Harry mutter, mid-roll off the bed, “Now you’re doing math?”

Steve ignores him and says, reasonably, “So, it’s a decent theory, but if this is straight, where are the women?”

“Somewhere out there.” Danny waves his hand vaguely in the direction of the drawn curtain that hides the window. “Probably doing the same thing we are.”

Steve doesn’t have to consider this for long. “But with lots of boobs.” That’s not a bad mental image at all. He’s seen porn like that.

“Exactly,” Danny says, which makes Steve wonder if he’s seen the same porn. “You get it.”

Thoughtful nodding is a lot easier when his head isn’t resting on a mattress. “Yeah, I do. It all balances out.”

“How very poetic,” Harry says, and then redirects the conversation with the distinctive snap of a lube bottle cap.

*

Later, Steve is happily bobbing his head up and down when his brain randomly picks up the thread of his earlier ruminations. He pulls off just enough to speak, his lips still brushing the wet head of Danny’s dick. “Hey, I think that this might really be getting a little gay.” Even math can’t help them now.

Danny rakes his nails over Steve’s scalp like he wants to push him back down to where he was, but he just makes a noise of frustration instead. “Yeah, okay, we’ll go buy a rainbow flag and body glitter tomorrow. Will that make you happy?”

And oh – that conjures up images of Danny covered in body glitter, wearing nothing but a square of rainbow fabric that’s being propped up by Danny’s flag pole. Maybe making this a little less straight wouldn’t be such a bad thing, on second thought. 

“I think that’ll make me very gay,” he says, and he’s still grinning at his own pun when Harry drives into him from behind so hard that he’s rocked forward onto Danny’s dick again, swallowing it down while Danny moans and pets his head.

“Really,” Harry pants, “ _so_ much talking.”


End file.
